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My Tesla Went to Tulsa (without me)

from Random Magic by Schweitzer

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Inspired by an idea and a title by Frank Quirk

lyrics

I don't know what I did that was so wrong.
That dancing girl meant nothing, and it didn't last for long
My darlin' always begged me to be honest, that’s a trap
She packed up her bags, walked out the door and that was that

So what? I'm only human, and I was drunk
It may've been on purpose she left panties in my truck
My true and faithful hound liked my darlin' more than me
They drove off together, locked the house and took the key

I ran to the garage to chase them down
But where I park my car, there was nothing to be found
I pulled up the app on my smarty pants phone
And on it was a message got me cryin' all alone

This is me, you piece of shit, I'm your Tesla
How could you have hurt that girl that left ya?
And I know you liked your truck the best
So I'll be on the road all by myself
That's how I found out

My Tesla went to Tulsa, without me
And I don't even know nobody there
I'd Uber up to Oklahoma, but it's just no use
It returned itself to the dealer in Catoosa
I just got a refund in a text
And my Tesla went to Tulsa, without me

My next ride is gonna be a stupid car
One that can’t tell all of cyber-space right where you are
Won’t send no-ti-fi-cations when it’s broke or out of fuel
And won’t make E-judgements ‘bout what or who I choose to do

I guess I gotta change all my locks
The ones my darlin’ bought talk to my phone and to my watch
They turn my lights and TV on, and used to start my car
And let my Darlin’ know when I was headed to the bar

Now I know why the life I loved is gone, long gone
And that text will remind me why I was so damned wrong
Cuz I shared it via Bluetooth to a ‘lectronic picture frame
Sits by my bed and buzzes to remind me of my shame

This is me, you piece of shit, I'm your Tesla
How could you have hurt that girl that left ya?
And I know you liked your truck the best
So I'll be on the road all by myself
Yeah, that's how I found out

My Tesla went to Tulsa, without me
And I don't even know nobody there
I'd Uber up to Oklahoma, but it's just no use
It returned itself to that dealer in Catoosa
I just got a refund in a text
And my Tesla went to Tulsa, without me

(Heh-heh, drove there all by itself, no snack or nature breaks
Made it on just one charge
Darlin’ maybe I’da kept ya, if I lasted like my Tesla)
I just got a refund in a text.
And my Tesla went to Tulsa, without me

(Ah, listen to that engine purr… heh heh)

credits

from Random Magic, track released October 15, 2022
Props to Frank Quirk for the title. Sent to me as a joke, I took it as a challenge.

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Schweitzer Los Angeles, California

My brother started writing songs and that was the spark that started me on my own songwriting course that would last the rest of my life. I chose to use my surname, "Schweitzer," for practical reasons, realizing long ago that pronouncing "Richard Schweitzer" was difficult. "Schweitzer Projects" under the "tindog music & stuff" umbrella is producing songs in the Pop / Pop rock or folk categories ... more

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